My 3yo has a rather interesting way of interpreting the English language.

He calls spaghetti – Mister Getty.

Important is Port Tenant.

Comfortable is actually a Comfy Table.

Dessert is Berserk.

And Pistachios are Moustachios.

And sometimes, just for fun, I like to make him say them all in one sentence.

My husband and I were away in Singapore for 4 days. It was the first time that we’ve been away from our boys (for more than a day).

I guess I assumed that since 4 days was such a ridiculously short amount of time, we would be back in a flash, and things would be pretty much exactly the same as we left.

But it was not so.

In 4 days I seem to have developed this strange shift in my perspective towards my kids.

My goodness, my kids! They are so funny! They say the craziest things! They are so random! So cute! Look at them! They are putting on their own socks! They can count things!

It’s as if I’m new parent again.

As if I’ve never seen a little kid build a lego spaceship.

As if a conversation with a 3 year old about the Dangers of Rubber Bands was the coolest thing that happened to me that day.

As if the little faces tucked between the blankets and pillows, smiling up at me in the dark, fell from the sky like a million dollars and changed my life in an instant.

Sheesh, I love being a mother.

My 5yo son has been going to gymnastics classes.

At first I made the terrible mistake of paying for the whole term, before I introduced the idea to him. So we rocked up on the first day of term, he cried and never wanted to return.

It took him 4 weeks to get the hang of it. Now he loves it. He absolutely, completely and utterly loves it.

I’m not actually sure what kind of things he learns there, because my husband takes him to the class and stays to watch.

I get the impression they do somersaults, cartwheels, hand stands, and back-flips… BECAUSE.

EVERY TIME we are on a soft surface – grass, carpet, or a rug. My son will place his head on the floor and do some crazy acrobatic trick. It gives me a heart-attack. He is constantly leaping, flipping, tumbling and rolling around.

You know how acrobats can move and control their bodies in slow motion, moving their muscles and limbs like in a graceful performance?

Well my son will do something similar in order to perform a perfect “hand stand” – but then he’ll tip over and land with a WUMPH, flat on his back.

I grimace and smile. Then I give him a weak thumbs up from across the playground. He deserves that much for his enthusiasm.

It’s amazing what little kids can learn - so quickly and with no fear! It’s quite inspiring, in a way.

One of my goals for this year is to teach myself and my children how to speak Chinese, from scratch!

I can’t speak a word of Chinese, so I need all the help I can get. My strategy so far, is to immerse our family in Chinese books, CDs and DVDs.

Naturally, I scoured the web, hunting down Chinese educational products. My biggest problem with buying over the internet, is that I would prefer to buy something that came recommended by a friend. I didn’t want to buy something, have it shipped over, to then find out that it was terrible. And I knew lots of other people who felt the same way.

So I thought I’d start reviewing Chinese educational products that I’ve actually tested out, and recommend the ones I’ve found to be exceptionally excellent.

I found a great online shop, called Asianparent.com. They have an excellent range of Chinese books and DVDs, so I contacted them and they sent me some products to review. These are my favourites!

1) Early Start Mandarin Chinese DVD
Chinese & English Bilingual DVD (Volume 1) for children age: 1-5

I’ve actually tested out a few bilingual DVDs already. This set is by far the best I’ve come across!

It watches like Sesame Street. It shows clear, uncluttered images of the object, with clear Chinese voice overs. Then it repeats the word over and over, using different voices, different photos and graphics, different situations (eating an apple, cutting an apple, rolling an apple).

My children really enjoy it. I can see my 3yo absorbing the new words and memorising them, purely from all the repetition. Whereas, my 5yo will seem to actively memorise and learn at a more cognitive level of understanding. It works really well! Even I can catch on really quickly.

Some screen shots of the Early Start Mandarin DVD Volume 2

What I like best about it: It has cute, happy, piano music playing in the background and the voices are pleasant to listen to. It is not irritating and annoying at all. We can happily watch it again and again and again. It’s really lovely, very well produced and it works!!

Also, most Learning Chinese DVD and CD sets have only 1 or 2 voices saying the words. And if the speaker happens to be a 35 year old guy from Beijing, then you learn how to speak Chinese like a 35 year old man from Beijing!!

In the Early Start Mandarin Set, you get to see and hear different Asian and Caucasian kids, at various ages from 2 years to 9 years, say all the words or phrases. And because they all have different voices, you can hear variations of the correct tones and pronunciations, and thus calibrate in your own head how it is supposed to sound with your own voice. I personally found this REALLY helpful to get the tones right.

I have the whole series (4 Discs) : Early Start Mandarin Chinese - All Volumes (1,2,3,4)

2) Mandy and Pandy Say, “Ni Hao Ma?”
Book and Audio CD

This is really great for practicing basic Chinese. We already know the basic greetings, and some phrases, so this is a nice way to practice while being out and about.

I play the CD in my car, the kids take in turn to hold the book and turn the pages. In just a few days I can remember new phrases, and pre-empt each word.

I’d love to get more of this series so my kids are listen to them in the car!

What I like best about it: The CD is great – one track for English & Chinese, one for Chinese spoken twice, and one for Chinese spoken once. The little picture book is laid out nicely and easy for kids to follow. It’s short, simple and very effective.

3) Chinese & English Bilingual Dora The Explorer
5 Disc DVD and Flash Cards set for children aged 2-8

My kids love Dora The Explorer, but I don’t let them watch it very often. So, you can imagine how excited they were when they saw the Dora box arrive in the mail. When I put it in the DVD player, I was waiting for them to groan, complain, and say it wasn’t REALLY Dora… but they didn’t! They actually enjoyed it.

After watching it, I can verify that the graphics are exactly like the original English version. The Chinese (and English) voices have been dubbed over, and the voices are pretty similar to the original version.

I believe the series is actually for Chinese kids who want to learn English. Dora and Boots speak 80% Chinese and 20% English, and they switch seamlessly during their adventures. Even though the characters speak quickly, my kids managed to pick up a few Chinese words they knew already “hello”, “friend”, “play together” etc.

I think it’s a pretty cool product! If my kids are watching cartoons, I would rather immerse them in something they enjoy, and get their ears used to hearing the Chinese language.

What I like best about it: It’s DORA THE EXPLORER and my kids love watching it! There are 5 discs with total of 10 episodes. The flash cards are really nice too.

Conclusion
I discovered that these products work really well together. They all teach the basics, greetings, colours, and numbers in a variety of different ways. With all the repetition, the kids quickly recognise that they have heard the phrases in the previous DVD etc, and it flows pretty well from there.

Also, we pratice a lot! Throughout the day, I try to repeat the things we’ve learned, and quiz them.

We’ve been using these materials from Asianparent.com for the last 3 weeks. First, it was a lot of fun and a very novel activity for the kids. Then there are a few days where it feels like hard work and the kids are a bit bored. Then suddenly, it becomes part of everyday life! That’s when you know it’s worked!

Sometimes my 5yo and 3yo boys play Mums and Dads, where they basically role play me and my husband. One will go out to do really hard work, while the other cooks and decorates the house. It’s quite amusing and adorable.

Other times they will play Mums and Little Boys, where they pretend to be at the shops. One is a mum, and the other nags her for various items like ice cream and chocolate. VERY funny.

It gets a bit strange, when they play Little Boys, where they walk around the house behaving like little boys - being extra jumpy, doing cartwheels and speaking in a high pitched voice.

But my favourite of the lot is when they play Teenagers. They swagger around, punching the air like Power Rangers, and threatening to destroy things.

I try to throw in a few suggestions.

“Did you know that teenage boys can’t talk? They just grunt.”

“They also smell really bad.”

“And they wear their jeans down low so everyone can see their underpants.”

But ah, my little boys don’t believe any of it, except:

“15 year olds *LOVE* getting cuddles from their mummies!”

So I was driving along the other day, when my 3yo asks from the back seat:

“Mum. Why is the lady walking on sunshine?”

“Eh? What?” I quickly looked around on the street for a lady. Or a poster.

“The lady! She’s walking on sunshine!”

“What are you talking about? What lady?”

“THE LAAAAADY!!”

“What Lady?? Where??”

“THE LADY!”

“Sean, I’m not sure what LADY you are talking about.”

“THAAAAT LAAAAADY!”

“WHERE’S THE LADY ALREADY?” GAAAH! My head was about to EXPLODE.

I FINALLY worked out that he was talking about the song playing on the radio. Katrina and the Waves - Walking on Sunshine. I didn’t even hear it playing on the radio! I don’t even know why I was listening to it!!

“Can she really walk on the sun? Isn’t it hot? Won’t she burn her feet? Won’t her skin get sun burnt? Is she wearing lots of sun cream? Will she fall down? Will she die?”

GRRRRR KIDS!

My 5 year old son has this annoying habit of changing into a new set of clothes for each daily event.

Wake up - put on comfy, home clothes.
Going to the shops - put on nice going-out clothes.
Playing in the backyard and sandpit - put on old, muck-about clothes.
Bike ride in the evening - put on warm gear for the park.
Night time - new set of comfy, home clothes.

All that is actually ok. The real problem is that he leaves the discarded clothes on the floor. In a big heap.

At which, I politely point out : STOP LEAVING YOUR CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR!

And he replies, “WHY? You leave YOUR clothes on the floor!”

As I mentioned in a earlier post, I will be reviewing and recommending children’s board games that my kids have played and absolutely love!

Tummy Ache Board Game
By Orchard Toys

Ages 3+
Players 2-4

Players each have a table setting board.

Players take turns to pick a card to place on their board – which might be a healthy food card or a rotten “tummy ache” card.

The aim is to create a healthy meal. Rotten food cards can be replaced by a healthy food cards on a following turn.

Overall this game was excellent!

It was very easy to play. The pictures were so so so cute! The kids enjoyed examining all the cards.

It made my kids talk about:

1) why the healthy food cards are good (broccoli is a vegetable, and vegetables are good for you!),
2) why some foods are better to eat than others (fruit is a better dessert than ice cream, because there’s too much sugar in ice cream!), and
3) why the tummy ache foods were bad (hot chips are too oily).

It repeated my lessons on healthy eating, and “too much bad food will give you a tummy ache”.

But I had to realise that this was just a funny little game, and probably not designed solely for health education. So there were a few inconsistencies that bugged me – eg. There were lettuce and tomato cards that were categorised as rotten. A suspiciously sweet looking ice cream + jelly + coloured sprinkles “healthy” card (which was spotted by my 5 yo).

It also inspired them to create a new version of the game – making a dinner menu for our real dinner!

5 yo: (In his sweetest voice) Hey Sean! Do you want to play a game?

3 yo: Ok, but only a FRIENDLY game.

5 yo: Let’s play dinosaurs. I’m going to be a T-rex. I’m fast and really dangerous. You have to kill me.

3 yo: That’s not very friendly.

5 yo: Oh. That’s a dinosaur way of being friendly.

3 yo: But if I kill you, I’ll have no friends left. I want to play cats.

5 yo: What about CAT dinosaurs? I can run on ground and you have to catch me and then kill me!

3 yo: No! I’m going lick you instead!

5 yo: Arrrrggghhh! Help! Your licking is killing meeeeee!

3 yo: STOP! WAIT! DON’T DIE! I’LL HAVE NO FRIENDS!

5 yo: OOOOH I’M MELLLTING!

Growing up as a kid, I adored board games. I never played many computer games, but oh how I loved my board games. I loved sitting down with all the cool little pieces spread out around me, reading the rules, thinking, forming strategies and game play.

So I was very keen to start playing board games with my own children.

I started out buying a few board games. But very quickly I realised that what I thought was cool, was not what my kids enjoyed. The trick was finding games that were age appropriate.

I was also quite frustrated with purchasing board games, because you can’t open the box, and take a look at how the game might play.

I had to rely on word of mouth recommendations. But truth be told, I don’t know of any parents who are… heh… particularly obsessed about the satisfactory game play of a children’s game… like me.

(Did I mention I used to design and make online educational games for children?)

Thankfully, my local toy library buys lots of educational board games for children aged 2-6. So my kids and I now have the opportunity to test out heaps of board games, that I probably would not have purchased.

I’ve discovered that some kid’s games are just crap – they are hard to play, have complicated rules, poor engagement, the squares are too small, game pieces are not logical, no educational outcomes, no satisfying end to the game that makes the kids want to play again.

But some board games are just fantastic! They make my kids (and me) squeal with delight and laughter, they are fun and engaging, and have different versions and levels of game play. Plus the kids will learn stuff and will talk about the game throughout the day. That’s when I know the game is really successful.

So I’m going to review a whole heap of children’s board games that my kids just love! I hope you enjoy them as much as we have!

(If you have any recommendations, feel free to send them my way. I’d love to hear from you!

Each school term, parents are invited to do a roster in their child’s pre-primary class.

We turn up with our child, and we sit in a miniature chair made for little bums. The class sings songs and have a learning session on the mat. After that the parents will cut up fruit, have a cup of tea and chit chat with the Teacher’s Assistant.

Later the teachers will get us to do a little activity with the kids.

Depending on luck, you will either get to help the children do Dot-To-Dot Worksheets, or help 25 kids to each construct a multi-layered bird house made out of drinking straws, toilet rolls and dangling pompoms –while juggling a hot glue gun and a shaker of glitter.

I am ushered to the activity table. Today I’m helping the children make cellophane jellyfish creatures.

They get a zip-lock sandwich bag from the box. Fill it up with crunched up coloured cellophane. Seal it. Pick out 4 bits of paper streamers, make little twists in them, staple them to the bottom of the bag. Cut out paper eyes, glue them on the front. Write their names on the back. Put it on the drying rack.

GOOD LORD IT WAS HARD WORK.

Trying to manage 5 kids at a time, all at slightly different skill levels and all with their slightly different personality quirks – too hyper, too shy, too smart, too messy, too particular, or too daydreamy.

AARRGGH.

For 1 hour, as I worked through every kid in the class, I was constantly squawking “Ok now use the scissors! Not so much glue! Now make twists, like this! What about one more tentacle? There are no more blue ones. Press harder on the stapler. Oops you’re dripping! Great job! Maybe that’s too much cellophane! Are you left or right handed? Just two eyes please! There’s no more blue! Careful with the scissors! Less glue please! That’s enough staples!” and it went on and on and on and on and on.

For a whole hour!! My brain hurts!

The class is learning about Underwater Creatures this month. So lucky me, I get the roster day where the teacher brings in a dead fish to dissect and gut, while teaching the children about how creatures breath underwater. Lovely.

Every morning, my 3 year old will wake up by himself, any time from 6am to 7:30am.

He will plod over to the kitchen, take his night-time nappy off and put it in the bin.

However, 2 seconds before he does that, still holding a soaked nappy in one hand and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he takes a moment to inspect the contents of the bin.

If there is anything remotely interesting, worthy of inspection, or that he feels for some reason should not be in the bin, he will pull it out of the bin and shout “WHAT’S THIS DOING IN THE BIN???”

The object may be dripping with sauce, coasted in grease, tangled with hair and dirt and finger nail clippings. It doesn’t matter. He’ll drag the object in to my room, to my bed and wave it in my face.

“I SAID, WHAT’S THIS DOING IN THE BIN??? WHY’D YOU THROW IT AWAY HUH??”

Obviously, I am not too pleased about it myself. Considering I am not a morning person.

He demands an explanation. I speak kindly, but firmly. But. Despite what I say or do, it happens every morning.

So what did I do? After weeks of trying to get on top of it, I have admitted defeat.

I surrendered. I have lost.

Some may nod their head with recognition and see it as an issue best left overlooked. Others will shake their head at such a cowardly and humiliating defeat…

But I see it as – “Making sure I inspect, pick through and throw out the rubbish every night, so there are NO INTERESTING THINGS sitting in the way of temptation.”

In January, I wrote about my Kids Behaving Badly.

I was having a really hard time with their behaviour, defiance, moods, and bad attitudes. It was going on for months and I was close to insanity. I was stuck in a rut that was quickly spiralling downwards.

Well. It’s two months later and everything has settled down now.

In fact, when I read my post again, it was hard to believe that THAT was going on HERE.

Time has passed and yes, it was all just a normal part of growing up. It was a phase.

It was a phase probably brought on by end of school, a break in our routine, Christmas, New year, too many parties and late nights, general boredom around the house and boy hormones. But we survived.

Since Feb, the boys have been the sweetest, coolest, funniest, loving, most excellent and most wonderful little darlings. I would go as far to say that they have never played better, or been better behaved as they are now.

How did it happen? What did I do? Ha! I have no idea!

OK that’s not entirely true. I have a combination of theories and reflections:

1) Realised that I’m not to blame.

First I had to realise that my 3yo son’s defiance and strong-spirit was NOT because of a fault in my parenting skills.

I was constantly stressed and experimented with the experience I was creating for him – maybe he’s not playing outdoor enough, maybe he needs new friends who are his age, maybe I need to be tougher with this rule, maybe he needs to be away from me for a while, maybe he needs more structured play? It went on and on. Nothing worked, and I felt like such a failure.

I had to realise that it was simply because of who he is and his personality. I had to accept it, and work with it. Realising and accepting this fact alone lifted about 90% of my stress and anxiety!

2) Realised that it is just a phase.

As I said before, kids behaving badly is just a normal part of growing up.

3) Initiated a new plan, and STUCK TO IT.

My boys were in a pretty bad cycle of defiance. I realised that I was quite wishy-washy with discipline. We had some black and white rules. But for the grey areas, I kept making up new rules and discarding old ones as new situations unfolded. So I guess the kids didn’t take them seriously, or they just got confused.

I think I gave a lot of empty threats, which I did not follow through with. When I asked them to do something, I should have expected them to do it. But instead I renegotiated and explained and listed reasons and talked and talked, thus I let them get away with it and they wouldn’t do it until I blew up in anger.

I basically wrote a new bunch of rules and punishments up on a chart so everyone could see them. I announced that these were the new rules and from this day on, this is how we’re going to do things. I made sure that the boys knew what I expected and what the punishments were.

I was also very aware that I was dealing with two very different personalities, so what will work for one, will probably not work for another. We stuck with it for a week, oh god it was painful, but it worked!

My 4.5yo seemed to only need “punishments” in form of restricting his favourite things (sweet treats, no participation, or no tv). That was enough for him to change his behaviour.

But for the 3yo, I used some techniques suggested by James Dobson (The New Strong Willed Child). It worked within 3 days. He got the message, and it was enough to break the cycle. I haven’t used it again since.

4) School began.

The 4.5yo started going to school 5 days a week. That kept him well entertained, engaged, interested and out of proximity from his younger brother for most of the day.

The youngest also became a big boy too. He started pre-kindy and now has his own teachers, classroom, school bag, activities, routine and friends. It was probably a huge boost to his confidence, development and identity.

5) Use Progress Charts.

I wrote about some new progress charts we tried. Not only did this make things easier for me in the mornings, the boys had a clear routine, and they followed it like a sacred law.

6) Read Excellent Parenting Books.

There are some who say you shouldn’t read too many parenting books, or you’ll get too confused by all the different opinions and teachings.

But I really believe that you should read as much as you can, filling your brain with knowledge, studies, different opinions and anecdotes. And I believe you should keep an open mind. Don’t just read one book and follow it to the letter. Form your own opinions, pick and choose what techniques work for you and your kids in your unique situation.

Here are some books that have been recommended to me by my readers.

7) Talk to someone.

Finally, I recently befriended a mother in our library story-time session. She migrated to Perth from Singapore, and she has two young boys (5 and 3 years old), born in the same months as my own two boys.

What’s great about our friendship is that our two older boys and our two younger boys have really similar temperaments. The two older boys are charming, bossy and sulky. And the two younger ones are reckless, defiant and loveable. It’s really funny, yet uncanny.

We will spend hours talking about our boys in the most tiniest of details – which I swear, would absolutely bore anyone else to tears. We don’t give each other advice or counselling, we just talk and talk and talk and talk, and then finish off with a big laugh. It’s so good for the soul.

To my dearest little Sean.

Three years ago our little family was going through a rough patch. Dad was pretty sick. Things weren’t looking good. We didn’t even know if we could have you.

But you were our little miracle. You gave us hope in a time of darkness. I would lie in bed wishing the world would swallow me up, and suddenly you’d kick and dance across the walls of my tummy – making me chuckle with delight.

When you were born, my hormones weren’t right. I looked at you bundled up in my arms and instead of buzzing with joy and happiness, I was tired, sad and I cried a lot. It wasn’t you, it was me.

But now I can’t imagine life without you. You are the blazing rock and roll on our otherwise quiet stereo. You are the spicy chilli in our tandoori. You are the sirens, the fireworks, the drums, the sparkle. You bring so much joy and laughter to our lives. I hope you know that.

In you, I’ve discovered a child’s love that is so tender, so sensitive, so sweet and so whole-heartedly absolute. When you say you love me, I don’t have to search deep in your eyes to see if you mean it, because it’s splashed across your face – you really do love me.

When I say goodnight to you each evening, you take my face in your hands and you plant little tiny kisses on my nose, cheeks and eye lids. And you’ll look up at me with a sparkle in your eyes, like I’m the most wonderful person in the whole world.

I just love it when you smile. I love the way your face and nose wrinkles up. You look so cheeky and happy. It’s adorable, infectious and it makes my heart crumble into a thousand happy pieces.

This new year has seen lots of new changes in your life.

You love school. Starting Pre-Kindy this year has been amazing for you. You have your very own a teacher, classroom and bag hook. As I suspected, you thrived on the kindergarten’s structured activities, routine and rules. You’ve blossomed into a smart, sociable, confident little boy.

You love learning. It boggles me to discover how much you pick up, understand, and repeat. You ask me questions about bugs, trees, water, birds, trucks, elevators – how they all work, what they are for, what can go wrong, what to do when something goes wrong. You listen carefully to everything I say, and will repeat it back as if it’s your own.

You speak so well. I really am so proud of you. Your pronunciations, your sentence structure, and your expressions are all amazing for a kid your age. Some of the clever, random things you say makes me laugh and laugh.

When someone meets you for the first time, the first thing they comment on is your voice. You don’t squeak in a high-pitched, baby voice. Your voice is low and strong. You always sound so serious and authoritative, like a little man – but once you smile, you turn into a giggly little boy again.

Then there’s your eye lashes. And your puppy dog eyes. You make me writhe with jealousy.

You’ve got a big personality, a strong spirit and a whole lot of big ideas. You’re a wonderful and charming little person with a great big heart. I love you Sean, Happy 3rd Birthday.

I found a really cute and simple activity for my kids to do on the weekend.

Personally I think the Bananas in Pyjamas are a pair of dirty old men in banana suits, but my kids think they’re just hilarious. So as long as they don’t start talking like B1 and B2, I’ll be right.

You can download the paper dress-up dolls from the ABC Kids website.

Last month I wrote about Kids Behaving Badly – how I had hit a brick wall with my children’s behaviour and I didn’t know what to do next.

I knew I needed a new perspective, a fresh way to look and deal with things. So I asked everyone to recommend any great parenting or discipline books they have read.

I received up to 30 book recommendations - thank you everyone! I was actually planning to read the most recommended books, and only feature the ones I felt were more excellent – but I’ve been getting so many emails asking me to hurry up! I’ve only read five!

Anyway, here is the complete list, starting with most recommended book.

(The titles with pictures indicate the books I have read, or hope to read soon) :

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan

Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different-And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men by Steve Biddulph

The New Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber

Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems by Barbara C. Unell, Jerry L. Wyckoff

Supernanny by Jo Frost

The Secret of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph

Bringing Up Boys by Dr James Dobson

The Happiest Toddler On The Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old by Harvey Karp

Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Parenting With Love And Logic by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay

The Pocket Parent by Gail Reichlin and Caroline Winkler

Toddler Taming by Christopher Green

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. MacKenzie Ed.D.

The New Dare to Discipline by James Dobson

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

(more…)

One of our hermit crabs died last week. It was little Billy – the one who endured being in the mouth of a 2 year old. He was such a little trooper. We decided to wrap him up and have a little burial. The kids were extremely curious about the whole topic of death.

They had so many tricky questions and interesting comments.

Why do people put dead bodies into the ground? Where does the person go after that? Why do people need to remember the dead people? When are you going to die? I don’t like heaven, it’s full of dead people. I don’t want to die. I’m going to live forever. How can I stop myself from dying?

I tried to answer as simply as possible. My heart was stuck in my throat. My chest was all tight and yet, tried not to seem so overwhelmed.

This is a summary of what I said :

When a person dies, their body stops working.

They put the person’s dead body in a special box, and put it into the ground, where it will slowly become part of the earth.

The body will turn into dirt and vitamins that help trees and plants grow. So in a way the body is becoming part of the life of the world.

All their friends and family have a special event to remember the person. They talk about how wonderful and special the person was to them.

It’s very important to remember people, because life is very precious. Everyone is special. You can learn lots of things from other people that will help you live your life better and stronger.

Everyone gets old. That’s how life works. You’re born, you grow into a kid, then an adult, then your body gets older, and then one day your body will stop working.

Lots of people are scared about when they have to die. They are also sad and upset when others have to die. Those feelings are normal.

It’s not a good idea to think about dying too much. You should think about LIVING! You should be excited about the life you have now, and how to make as many good things happen in the time you have.

I never thought I would be able to do this kind of thing. Before I had children, one of my greatest fears of becoming a parent was to have to explain hard answers to my kids.

What if I didn’t know the answers? How am I going to explain the meaning of life to them? How am I going to explain tricky things like : love, life, death, sex, hell, mortgages, racism, insurance and global warming?

I guess since becoming a parent, the biggest tip I’ve learnt : Just tell it like it is.

My 4.5yo walked up to me the other day and said,

“Hey mum. Do you own diamond earrings?”

INSTANTLY MY FINELY-TUNED PARENTAL ALARM BELLS WENT OFF.

My son has often shown the uncanniest ability to stop me in my tracks and demand my fullest attention.

“YES WHY DO YOU ASK?!?!”

“Oh right. I just found a diamond under the sofa. I liked it, so I glued it to my door. But that was last week, so it was stuck there for a while. I thought you might want it today, so I scratched it off, but it fell into my pile of shoes, and it kinda got a bit dirty from the sand, so I washed it in the sink with some soap and…”

AAAAHHHHHHKKKK MY EYES WERE POPPING OUT OF MY HEAD. I HAD A HEART ATTACK RIGHT THERE. HE WASHED MY DIAMOND DOWN THE SINK??? GAAAAAAAAAH I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!

“WHERE’S MY DIAMOND NOW?!?!?!??!”

“Oh it’s right here! In my pocket see?”

…

As you can see, “the diamond” was in fact a plastic craft sequin, often used in scrapbooking, or any other stupid art activity done by 4 year olds.

Errgh! Kids! I just lost 10 years off my life!

Perhaps it’s the way females are wired…

But sometimes I can be frying dinner, while chopping vegetables, with the phone perched on my shoulder, chatting to my girlfriend. The kids are playing in a room, Radiohead is blasting in the background, over the noise of my neighbour who is mowing the lawn.

Suddenly I realise that the kids have made no sound in the last 3 minutes, and it’s a kind of quiet that can only mean one thing – THAT THEY HAVE CLIMBED UP ONTO THE SHELF, PULLED OUT THE SCISSORS AND ARE NOW CUTTING UP THEIR BED SHEETS TO MAKE BANDAGES FOR THEIR TEDDY BEARS.

I’m constantly amazed by how I manage to KNOW THESE THINGS, AND BE RIGHT.

I wish I could boast of a marvellous sense of bonding felt between mother and child… but no. It was simply putting pieces together.

Earlier the oldest kid wanted 5 bandaids for their “game”, to which I said NO.

Then later, they asked to use the scissors and sticky tape, to which I said NO.

Then they asked whether their bed sheets were brand new, to which I said NO.

Figuring kids out is not hard.

It’s just scary.

Every morning for the last 5 years, I have been waking up at WHATEVER TIME NECESSARY that requires me to tend to the children. Some days it’s 6am. Other days it’s 9:30am.

Sometimes the kids would wake up and play with lego for 1.5 hours before they actually ask for breakfast.

I would get up and make scrambled eggs on toast, or hot waffles with yoghurt and fruit. We would eat breakfast at a leisurely pace – talking about our day, chatting about upcoming events, reading the newspaper, doing a crossword, listening to birds outside the window… Ok I’m lying.

Basically, my morning schedule was very fluid and floppy. It’s been a great ride, but all that has come to an end.

My 4.5year old son has started school – commencing at 9am, 5 days a week.

That means I have to wake up like clockwork at 7:00am every morning. I have get the kids out of bed, get them to eat breakfast, convince them to brush teeth, change clothes, check their school bags. Then I have to eat breakfast, have a cup of tea, brush my teeth, change, and if I have errands to run in the morning, I have to pack and make sure I don’t forget anything.

I knew I would be completely crap at this early morning flurry.

So I got the idea of a Progress Chart (from the Supernanny).

It’s just a grid, and on the left is a bunch of tasks I wanted my kids to do by themselves.

1. Eat breakfast
2. Eat their vitamins
3. Put their dishes away
4. Wash their hands and brush their teeth
5. Change into their school clothes
6. Check their school bags
7. Toilet
8. SMILE

In this version they get a sticker every time they completed each task – I discovered that this SUCKED, because it took them too long to fiddle with stickers.

In our next version, they gave themselves ticks in each box, then they get a sticker at the end. And they get a little treat at the end of the week.

Overall the progress chart was a complete success.

My 4.5 year old is brilliant at it. My 2.5yo needs a bit of help with brushing teeth, selecting clothes to wear. I really wished I had implemented it earlier.

Initially, the boys constantly ran to the chart to tell me what came next. Which was great because I couldn’t even remember sometimes.

And even better, now it’s two weeks later, they have memorised the list and they just do most of it by themselves. It’s awesome.

Anyway, I realised that I should have set up the grid in a horizontal format, and have 10 ticking boxes – for 2 weeks of school days.

So here is my final grid. I thought I’d also share it, and make it available for printable download – since I couldn’t find any PLAIN progress chart grids online (without silly cartoons and stupid irrelevant titles).

Click here to download a plain, horizontal Progress Chart (10kb).

Right click and save as. Print in landscape format, and make sure you shrink to fit. Enjoy!