My 5 year old is going through a phase of making up his own jokes.

So while he was holding these ladybugs he found, and I was trying to photograph them…

“Hey Mum! What did the little ladybug say to the big ladybug?”

“I don’t know buddy, what?”

“He said – “Hey, if you’re a boy, and I’m a boy, how come they call us ladybugs?” Hah Hah!”

Not very funny, but definitely a good question.

Anybody know the answer?

Early this month I flew to Singapore for just 2 days – to attend my cousin’s wedding.

I went with my husband and my 1.5 year old toddler. My other two kids stayed with their cousins.

It was the first time we flew on a plane with a child, and we were both very nervous about it. You see, our toddler hates being confined. So the thought of our free-spirited, young toddler sitting ON MY LAP for 5 hours – made me tense like you wouldn’t believe. What are we going to do in a plane jam packed with people?

On the afternoon of our departure, we sat at the airport gate, ready to board our flight to Singapore. But we heard an announcement that our flight was DELAYED. Bummer! So we let Liam play with stuff on the shelves of the duty-free shops.

And we waited and waited. And then the airline started handing out food vouchers. Not a good sign!

Then we saw the pilots of the plane talking to passengers, and overheard them say “Nobody has ever seen this particular problem before.” Great!

After a total of 8 HOURS of waiting, we were told that our flight had been cancelled due to mechanical difficulties, and that we should come back the next morning to catch our flight. Argh! What a hassle!

The next day, we woke up at 4:30am to catch a taxi to the airport, to find that our flight was DELAYED AGAIN!

The plane eventually left at 9am and we arrived in Singapore at 2pm.

And the wedding was at 5pm!

We ran out of the airport, jumped in and out of a taxi, and wolfed down some hotel food. I sprinted in and out of the shower, threw on some makeup and clothes, tossed some bits and pieces into a handbag, made sure I was wearing matching shoes, changed my toddler into his outfit, made sure my husband (who was wearing a kilt) looked great… and hey presto, we were at a wedding! Crazy!

A few weeks ago I wrote about my crazy plans to buy a special ethnic outfit, called a kebaya, on the AFTERNOON OF THE WEDDING. Well, the delayed flight totally screwed up that idea.

This is me in my back-up dress – the Ultimate Black Dress by Sacha Drake (I did a review on about it here).

It was perfect – no fuss, no ironing, just threw it on and it looked fabulous.

Both our accommodation and the wedding were at the Shangri-La Hotel, which was simply amazing. The hotel lobby and the function rooms were so impressive – oh those chandeliers!

The wedding event was so lovely and so much fun! It was great to be with all my cousins and family members.

My cousin looked stunning. She wore a specially designed (by her), hand-made, scarlet red, lace + sheer kebaya… and looked freaking hot in it!

My 1.5 year old, who had been up at 4:30am, only managed to sleep 45 minutes in the plane – the only nap he had all day. He was so tired that he passed out in my arms, at 8pm.

Liam was so totally and utterly conked out that we placed him in a pram, wheeled him under a table and didn’t expect to hear a peep from him all night!

But while I was eating my dessert, someone was giving a wedding speech. Then I heard the word “YUM SENG” and my eyes widened with alarm. I reached for the pram, and was about to race Liam out of the ballroom, but it all happened so quickly, and I could hear the words come out of my mouth in slow motion…. NOOOO-OOOOOOOO!

“Yum seng” is a tradition in Chinese celebrations, particularly weddings, where all the guests are invited to make a toast to the bride and groom, by shouting YUM SENG! (which means “drink to victory” or “bottom’s up”). The louder and more drawn out the words are shouted, the more prosperous the blessing.

It goes something like YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNGG! But very, very loud.

So of course, my poor kid woke up in a strange place with a spectacular fright – to the sound of 800 DRUNK SCREAMING ADULTS – and he started wailing in terror. That was when our night ended.

Thankfully I was able to take a picture of me and the CHOCOLATE FONDUE FOUNTAIN before we left! Oh the melted chocolate goodness!

Anyway, by the time we went up to our hotel room, and finally lay our heads on the luxurious buckwheat pillows, it was 12:30am.

So we were awake and about, travelling and merry-making, for 20 HOURS STRAIGHT.

Crazy! But fun.

And even though Liam hardly slept on the flight back to Perth, he didn’t cry at all. Yay! The cabin crew were so grateful that they gave us a bottle of champagne as we left the plane!

On a recent holiday, my 7 year old bought a souvenir snow dome with his pocket money. You know, the ones where you turn it upside down, and the snow swirls around in the water?

Well, he took the snow dome to school, it got crushed in his bag and all the water leaked out. When he got home, he wanted his Dad to fix it. So the snow dome sat on the edge of the kitchen table for a couple of hours, waiting for Dad.

But before Dad came home, my 1 year old, Liam, found the cracked snow dome, carried it away, and dropped it on the floor. Already fractured, it fell apart completely, and all the plastic “snow” came out. Liam played with it for a while, scattering the “snow” all over the room and himself.

When he got bored and wandered off, he was sprinkling tiny little bits of sparkle, like he was a big, ugly, clumsy Tinkerbell.

By the time I realized what had happened, thousands of tiny little sequins were hopelessly scattered around the house. It was like an army of gay pixies had held a really wild mardi gras parade after-party at our place.

The sparkles have some kind of static electricity stickiness that make them tend to cling, and no amount of vacuum cleaning got rid of them all. They have now found their way into every corner of the house. Even weeks later, I am still noticing them on our clothes, our hair, stuck to the boys faces, and it even appears in their food! It’s so irritating!

But, it is kind of cute in a way… I’ll be walking along, and suddenly notice a gleam of bright green or silver in the carpet, or on the couch.

It’s like a little bit of magic in my day. Irritating, but beautiful.

Sponsored by both Panasonic and Nuffnang, I was given the opportunity to test out the new Panasonic Lumix G2.

I figured that, although I am obviously NOT a serious camera reviewer, I would be a good candidate for sharing my views on the use of digital cameras, because I take photos – almost everyday – of a HUGE range of different subject matters: fashion, food, children, landscapes, events, macro details of nature and self portraits.

So I really consider and care about the usability of cameras.

I already have TWO cameras that I use everyday, and I am very happy with them.
- A point and shoot Canon Powershot A700 (4 years old)
- A Digital SLR Nikon D90, with 2 lens.

But they are both a few years old now. So as I tested out the LUMIX G2 I had several questions, including: what is new in the world of upmarket cameras?

To find out, I carried the LUMIX G2 with me for a week (and I get to keep it in the end!).

What kind of camera is it?
I believe this camera sits BETWEEN a compact point-and-shoot camera and a fully professional style DSLR – AND it shoots really good video.

Why should you buy it?
If you want a best of three worlds –
1) a point and shoot with lots of super easy automatic settings,
2) full manual options for taking interesting and creative photography
3) shoot high quality video

Photo: This is me riding my castor board, with the camera in my hand, doing some fancy-shmancy creative photography.

I deliberately made the background blur by manually setting the shutter speed to very low – about 1/8th of a second. And I didn’t even fall off the board!

What are it’s best features?
Personally, I found these to be the best features of the Lumix G2:

1) A Touch Screen
The LUMIX G2 is apparently the first camera (with interchangeable lens) to have a touch-sensitive screen, with the screen on a swivel mount too.

Photo: I swiveled the screen around and used it to take some self portraits.

You can swipe the screen with your finger and scroll through your photos like an iphone.

You can tap to zoom in on the photo, then scroll around with your finger. It was very easy to use, but at times the functions were a bit inconsistent eg: you can use your fingers iphone style to zoom in on a picture, but you have to select another button with your finger to zoom out.

When taking a photo, you can point on the screen exactly where you want to focus. Then tap on the screen to take the photo.

You can also adjust all the camera settings using the touch screen – ISO, exposure, white balance etc.

2) Interchangeable Lenses
You can change the camera lens to increase the zoom range, or to use a faster lens. This is great if you want to do more creative photography.

The default lens (14 – 42mm) gives nice wide shots, but it’s not a great zoom lens. You won’t use it to capture a bird in the air or a squirrel in a tree. You’ll need the 42 – 200mm, which will cost an extra $300, if you buy the whole camera and twin lens kit.

It is obvious that the default lens was chosen to be lighter and more compact that a DSLR – which makes it more convenient to carry around.

Caption: A lovely photo of my apple berry dessert. I would have liked to get even more of a close up, but the lens does not allow for amazing macro photography. I’ll need to change to a macro lens.

3) Great Video Quality
Because it does at least an hour of high quality video with an 8GB memory card, I suspect I’ll be carrying it around quite a lot! It will replace our 8 year old DV camera nicely.

4) Lifestyle and Automatic Functions
I found a WHOLE BUNCH of automatic settings that I quite liked.
Scene – Sunset, Party, Baby 1, Baby 2, Pets and Peripheral Defocus.
Portrait – Normal, Soft Skin, Outdoor, Indoor, Creative.
Landscape – Normal, Nature, Architecture, Creative.
Sports – Normal, Outdoor, Indoor, Creative.
Close Up – Flower, Food, Objects, Creative
Night – Portrait, Scenery, Illuminations, Creative

OR you can just click the Intelligent Auto button at the top (although we kept calling it the Stupid Button) and the camera works out EVERYTHING – exposure, shutter speed, aperture, depth of field, best focal range – automatically. It’s actually quite cool and very handy when you’re on the go.

Photo: I just chose “Scene > Sunset” to take this photo over my house. Beeeeautiful!

5) Face recognition and focus tracking
I quite liked these functions. They are excellent when you have kids or pets that don’t sit still.

You can register faces, that the camera will recognise, and where ever that face is in the frame, the camera will make sure that the focus, exposure and settings are perfect for that particular face. Quite cool.

Also you can choose what you want to focus on, face or object, and the camera will track the object if it moves, or if you move.

Summary
Instant point-and-shoot, manual control over everything, and high quality video.

If you are a beginner photographer, and you’re looking for a single camera that does all three things – you should definitely consider this camera!

Win a Panasonic LUMIX G2!
Panasonic and Nuffnang are giving away a Lumix G2 with the 14-42mm lens, worth $1299, to a lucky reader.

To Enter
Email me at karen@karencheng.com.au
1) your name
2) your email address
3) answer this question: How would the Lumix G2 make you a better photographer?

This competition is only open for Australian residents over 14 years. Competition ends 11:59 pm AEDST 3 September 2010.

Visit The Nuffnang website for the full terms and conditions.

A few weeks ago, the online team at Sportsgirl asked me whether I’d like to be featured on their blog and participate in a fashion challenge – I said sure!!

They sent over a dress and when I opened the package, I went – ARGH I HATE FLORAL!

My results were published on their Sportsgirl Blog, along with outfits from two other Australian fashion bloggers. Check it out!

Basically I was trying to play down the DELICATE, FEMININE FLORAL print, by mixing the dress with “tough chick” items, and then “boyfriend style” items.

First Outfit
Dress: Candice Tunic Dress from Sportsgirl
Jacket: Tuxedo Style Blazer from Cue
Shoes: Over the Knee Boots from Betts
Belt: Leather Studded Belt from Warehouse London

Second Outfit (worn as a top)
Top: Candice Tunic Dress from Sportsgirl
Jacket: Rayon Twill Blazer from AL&ALICIA
Shorts: Boy Washed Shorts from AL&ALICIA
Shoes: Suede Heeled Lace Ups from Betts

( See all my Daily Outfits here )

…

Check out more of my favourite online shops in my Women’s Online Fashion Shopping Guide.

Obviously, as a mother, something you DON’T WANT TO DISCOVER is that your toddler has picked up a drug addict’s thrown-away hypodermic syringe with exposed needle!

But that is what happened last week.

My 1.5 year old toddler was wandering towards me, proudly waving something he had found, as he often does, at the edge of the lake in the local park.

Usually, it is a chewed up tennis ball, or a confectionary packet, or a plastic bottle top. But this time it was the potential for my baby to get AIDS or Hepatitis or god knows what else.

I’m sure you can imagine my TERRIFYING,  CHILLING, UTTER HORROR… as I realised what it was.

I snatched it away from him, stripped him off, and searched his skin for any signs of a needle prick.

Once I assured myself he was unharmed, I felt a wave of sickening anger surge through me. The kind of anger driven by fear and anger. I wanted to roar. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry.

How can this happen in my park. Near my home. How could anyone be so cruel, and unthinking, as to throw such a thing into a drain, where it would wash down into a lake?

I guess that is what happens when you are on drugs.

And then I felt sorry for who ever he or she was. I mean, I don’t imagine that whoever did this dreamed of growing up to be a drug addict when they were at school. They probably thought, as I did, that their future life would be perfect, and they would be everything they wanted to be, a lawyer, a movie star, or a plumber or something. How did they become so lost they ended up on drugs?

But I was still so outraged and scared and sickened and angry.

And then I felt weak at the knees with relief that Liam was okay… and that he didn’t even realise he had been in danger.

So there I was.

Sad, relieved, angry, frightened and sympathetic, all at once.

Sigh. Life is so complicated.

There’s a part of me that wishes I could say – going to the movies is a family treat! Or a celebration of being together! Or special event filled with smiles and laughter!

But it never happens like that!

It’s more like an escape! For the parent!

It’s the end of a busy week filled with homework, class projects, school sandwiches, birthday parties, appointments, events, and zillions and zillions of STUFF THAT I HAVE TO DO. AND NOW IT’S THE WEEKEND AND WE STILL HAVE TO ENTERTAIN THE KIDS. AND I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY, HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET, AND ESCAPE!!

So I took the kids out to watch Toy Story 3.

If I was looking for peace and quiet, to have a nap, or to rest my brain for 2 hours – I did not get it.

Because the damn movie was so fricking awesome that I was laughing until my belly ached, and crying until my sleeves were wet.

In fact, I don’t think I have ever laughed and cried so much in a cartoon movie.

I walked out of the movie theatre with the biggest smile on my face, and yes, it was exactly the kind of escape I was looking for.

(My kids were showing me how popcorn can look flat through 3D glasses, by pressing the popcorn flat against the eye piece. They are geniuses I tell you.)

Most times I consider myself a city girl. I enjoy crowds, tall buildings, air conditioning, wireless internet connection and hairdryers!

But there is also a part of me that craves simplicity.

Sometimes I need to strip away the unnecessary add-ons of my life and live simply.

I guess, that’s what I love about camping.

It makes me reassess what I need in order to survive. It makes me realise what I CAN and CANNOT live without. It makes me choose. And cull.

I found that living with less makes me focus on nature, and its pleasures.

There’s just something intoxicating about waking up at sunrise and breathing in the morning air of the bush. It is heavy, dewy, cold, and rich with the smells of wet wood, damp earth and grass.

And like in the photo above, to mix in more smells of hot, freshly brewed tea, sizzling bacon and eggs, warm toasted bread and burning wood – ahh, it’s amazing.

I think living simply brings about a certain kind of happiness and contentment.

I should really do it more often.

And I should at least try a little harder to bring some of that contented simplicity back into my normal life.

(You might find it interesting to note, that we can’t live without ceramic tea cups.)

A couple of days ago, my husband came home from helping a friend clean up storm damaged trees in the backyard.

In amongst all the dead branches, they found not one, but two bird nests. At first, they thought one had an egg in it, but it was just a gum nut caught in the grass lining of the nest.

It’s simply amazing that birds can make such a thing. And I was most impressed by the differences between the nests.

One is woven entirely from twigs, each twig curved by beak, and then lined with grass. It is exactly what you image birds would build! Like in a cartoon!

But the other is made of a kind of felt of feathers, human string, and what looks like spider webs.

It has all been so beautifully merged together that it looks like it was produced out of a steam pressing mould. It smells as clean as if I just bought it from an expensive boutique. I suppose it has been washed by the rain.

How long does it take to collect all those spider web threads? Why would two different species of birds need such different nests?

I know there are answers somewhere, I just don’t know them.

So I’ll just enjoy being amazed, and add these to my collection of inspirational nature things I have on top of my computer monitor.

For nearly 2 years, I have been hankering to go kayaking in the river.

You see, I live near the river. And every time I drive or cycle past it, I look over – and see people paddling their kayaks on the still blue water – and I find myself filled with a strong sense of desire and envy.

I guess I just never got around to it! Mainly because I’ve been bogged down with the BUSYNESS OF LIFE. As you do.

So for my birthday, my husband organised a surprise kayaking day for me (rather, us). OMG you should have seen the BIG BIG smile on my face and the twinkle in my eyes when he told me 15 minutes before we walked out the door.

We borrowed our neighbour’s 2 person kayak and 4WD (thanks Irwin!), found a spot on the river to start, plotted a course and set off!

It was SPECTACULAR. It was an incredible day for kayaking.

The water was still, like a pond. The air was crisp. The scenery was beautiful. Ahh it was so so so cool. Definitely one of the best, most peaceful and tranquil experiences of my life.

Gliding along the mirror-like surface. Slicing through the water. Seeing my ripples ebb as far as my eyes could see. It was magic.

At some parts of the river, it was SO QUIET and SO STILL, that it all felt a bit odd. Eerie and creepy, perhaps.

You know. It was like a horror movie. The scenery goes quite. The sun suddenly feels hotter, the insects stop buzzing, the fish stop splashing, a crow flies overhead going AAAAAKKKKKK. And I was just waiting for something large and green to slowly appear from the water.

I actually said to my husband, “Uh, there are no crocodiles here in Perth right?”

Anyway, while we were paddling, the water exploded a few metres away from our kayak. I thought someone dropped a large rock into the water. But emerging from the splash, flew an osprey. It was like watching a nature documentary – and seeing the water droplets roll off the feathers in slow motion. The osprey flew off carrying a fish in its claws. It was SO CLOSE to us, and a very cool moment.

But even cooler, was 10 minutes later, we paddled past a tree, and saw the same osprey perched on a branch eating the fish. We paddled slowly and quietly towards it, and took some awesome photos.

Overall, we kayaked for 2 glorious hours.

The paddling itself was pretty hard work. Especially since I’ve never done it before. It was quite a workout for my abs, arms and legs. But my body felt so good. And it was so refreshing for my soul.

I really, really loved it.

And now I hope that one day I’ll have my own kayak and go paddling on the river at dawn. And at night.

Just stunning.

The other day I met up with some wonderful girlfriends for lunch by the beach. My god, I had a fabulous time lazing in the sun, chatting and eating.

Now let me tell you… there are cafes. And then there are CAFES.

Most café connoisseurs would – over many years or research and experimentation – carefully select a café based on its barista, its coffee beans, its ambience etc.

But not me.

I went to Salt on the Beach, for the first time the other day, and have already decided it as my FAVOURITE CAFÉ IN PERTH.

It has -

1) Big clean glass windows where you can look at the beach and be out of the wind.

2) A fenced off children’s playground, in the shade, right next to the café tables.

3) A great menu for a special lunch.

And that’s all I need really.

Salt on the Beach
44 Port Beach Rd (Corner Tydeman)
North Fremantle WA 6159
P : 9430 6866 | F : 9430 6089
W: www.onthebeach.net.au

Meet a quokka. It is a type of small kangaroo, about the size of a large cat, only found on Rottnest Island, where I recently had a four day holiday with my family.

There are about 10,000 quokkas on the island. They are very cute and they are very curious. They also go around trying to eat everything in sight. Quokkas, like all marsupials, are not famous for their intelligence. They are cute as anything, but basically, pretty stupid.

Meet my son, Liam.

He is also cute, curious, and will try to eat anything he has never seen before. AND he is also not exactly a genius (yet).

So this combination of 10,000 quokkas and a not-very-clever Liam is a BAD combination.

Because quokkas leave these attractive, perfectly formed poo… ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Sometimes the poos are brown, and sometimes they are dark green. No matter what colour they are, they still look like tasty chocolate morsels.

The roads and paths are sprinkled with them. The playground, the gardens, and even in the shops.

Quokka poo is such a problem that the shops have little quokka-proof doors to keep the little devils out. But of course, quokkas are so cute that the little kids open the doors for them, so they can get in and poo on the floor. Which then of course means all the customers step on the poo.

So, while Liam was terrified of the quokkas themselves, he was rather drawn to the quokka poo, quicker than you can say “NO WAIT – THAT’S NOT FOR EATING!!”.

Yes that’s right, our little baby has eaten quokka poo.

And lets just say that we have been back from holiday for a couple of weeks now, and it is clear that even if you eat several quokka poos over a four day holiday, it doesn’t do any harm.

None of my other children, as far as I know, has ever eaten animal poo, so Liam is unique in that regard.

Thank God that quokkas are vegetarian!!

Despite trying to come across all super healthy and all that, I confess that I have a weakness for weird Chinese food.

And last week, I decided that since it was my birthday, I was going to eat some of my favourite foods – chicken feet with chilli oil.

Yes! The feet of chicken! It’s delicious!

(I try not to think about it too much.)

Every year for my birthday, I like to take the whole month of July to celebrate.

This year I was particularly spoilt!

Wednesday: My husband took me out to see the musical Mamma Mia – which I’ve never seen before (no, not even the movie). I’m not a huge ABBA fan, but I loved it! It was so, so cool. I enjoyed the story, the music, the production, the set, costumes – everything! All the raving reviews about the show were true. It was an awesome night out!

Thursday: I organised a dim sum lunch with some close friends + babies. I ate chicken feet, fried squid and my other favourite dim sum delicacies to my heart’s content.

Friday: Organised a lunch by the river, with another bunch of girlfriends + babies. Then we sat in the park in the warm sun, chatting and watching our kids in the playground.

Friday Evening: We hosted a big dinner party for one side of our family. My husband made a delicious 3 course meal and my sister-in-law made some mouth watering carrot + walnut mini cakes with lemon cream cheese.

Saturday: My husband took me KAYAKING! I had told him that I wanted to do it ages ago, and he surprised me today. Will have pictures and the story posted up soon!

Saturday Evening: We were invited to a friend’s dinner party – ok perhaps we might have crashed it with my birthday. Our host made an amazing 3 course meal for 18 people – all by himself! Including vegetarian options! Thanks Shane!

Sunday: Dinner with my side of the family at our local Japanese restaurant. Mmmm I love vegetable tempura.

I have a whole heap of other things lined up for this month. The next being – a holiday trip up North.

So yes, I’ve had a wonderful birthday week shared with loved ones. Thank you all who had left birthday messages and emails! I really appreciate your thoughts and well wishes. Hugs and kisses all around!

With my birthday around the corner, I have decided that I want only one thing.

A ripstik. Yes that’s right. I don’t want a designer handbag. I don’t want jewellery or a spa experience.

I’M TURNING 32 AND I WANT A SKATEBOARD.

A ripstik is actually a brand of “castor board” – it’s a bit like a skateboard – but it has only TWO wheels, and you propel yourself using a twisting motion, much like surfing or snowboarding.

How on earth did this craziness come about?

It all started last Christmas, during the school holidays. Children in the neighbourhood, took to the streets with their brand new Christmas toys. Kids had new bikes, go-karts, scooters, skateboards, skateboard ramps… and these newfangled RIPSTIKS.

They were just SO NEW AND SO COOL. They were like the latest new thing. They were expensive, tricky to ride, and everyone thought they were just soooooo cool.

I must admit, I was intrigued.

So while I “supervised” my boys playing on the street, I watched various kids learn how to ride these ripstiks.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Over a few weeks, I saw a 7 year old go from tripping over his shoe laces to RIDING IT LIKE A PRO. Then his sister picked it up. Then his little brother had a go.

OMG I was burning with envy. Day by day I watched these kids practice, learn and get better and better. I felt SO jealous.

I guess it was ONE OF THOSE THINGS. A thing that I place in a box labelled “I would love to try it one day. I probably would never be any good at it. And I know I would never get around to it anyway.”

In that box I have also put – learning to play the piano, learning a second language, learning to kayak, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Anyway.

A few weeks ago, I couldn’t help myself. I was in the park with my children and I saw some kids skating on the street. I stopped one of them and asked to have a go on his Ripstik.

So there I was. Being coached by a 7 year old. And his sister.

Put your foot here. Make that bit straight. Step up like this. Kinda wiggle your hips like this. God, I love kids and their uncomplicated way of explaining things.

I tripped up so many times. I didn’t fall on my ass. I didn’t break my teeth. I may have twisted my ankle a little. But after my first “session” I managed to stay on for 3 seconds. I was so excited, pumped and completely energised. I was very HAPPY. And I like being happy.

So it became a bit of a street joke.

Every time those kids saw me on my daily walk, they would run into their house, drag out their ripstiks and let me have a go. I could see they really enjoyed teaching me… and enjoyed the fact that CALLUM’S MUM was making excellent progress with her propelling motion.

Then more kids would come over to play and hang out. And soon there would be a hoard of kids mucking around on the street, and watching me skate.

Thank goodness, my own kids are not at that age, where they would be utterly humiliated by their mother’s antics.

I admit that during my “practice sessions” I would get a little embarrassed. You know, that I’m this total nutcase mother, the focus of attention, and possibly the reason that the neighbourhood kids are out on the street playing together. Because once I announce that I’m leaving, all the kids go “Awwww” and everyone goes home. How funny is that?

So after a few sporadic practices, I can now ride 30m in a straight line! I ROCK!

I’m feeling SO GOOD about it. So happy that I think it’s time for me to get my own board.

So here’s to conquering “ONE OF THOSE THINGS” in life.

I’m in the kitchen, trying to cook risotto for dinner.

I’ve got one arm around Liam, my 15 month old toddler, who I am holding on my hip. Yes, I’m trying to cook dinner with one hand, after a night of broken sleep.

He has been cutting new teeth AND he has a stinking head cold with a runny nose. And even with pain killers, he just screams and screams until my head explodes if I don’t pick him up.

As I hold him, he practices every sound he knows, very loudly, in my ear.

He recently worked out that when his brothers play video games, it is called the “Wii”.

So he shouts…

“wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wiii Wiiiii Wiiiiiiii Wii Wi Wii Wiii Wiiii Wiiiiii Wi Wi!!!!”

..into my ear. This goes on until he changes to an earlier favorite of his which is…

“loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE!!!!”

And then, because we have been teaching him to call his big brothers by the Cantonese phrase “Gor Gor”…

“gor gor gor gor gor gor gor gor gor Gor Gor Gor Gor Gor GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR!!!!

…which goes on until he goes back to…

“wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wiii Wiiiii Wiiiiiiii Wii Wi Wii Wiii Wiiii Wiiiiii Wi Wi!!!!”

I turn up the stereo in the living room, so loud that it is rattling the ornaments on the shelves… but the louder I turn it up, the louder Liam gets in my ear.

He won’t be ignored, or drowned out. And it’s my job to listen to him express his pain and frustration.

And you know, it’s pretty hard to cut mushrooms with one hand. And did I mention I had to pick up the other two kids from school in half an hour?

I love this kid like anything, but right now, I just want him to be in some other place, or even better, for ME to be in some other place altogether.

Suddenly Liam stops making noise… just long enough to sneeze green and yellow snot all over me, the mushrooms and the counter top.

Without even wiping his still-warm snot from my face, I sigh, pick up the cooking wine, and glug-glug-glug it straight from the bottle. Aaaah that hit the spot.

Obviously this is not a good look.

And it’s also why there is no photo for this post.

Ah well. This is life for a mother of three kids.

I really, really need to go shopping… in another universe.

I can hardly believe it. I am writing a negative review of an experience I have had. My usual policy is to not write about bad experiences, but this one was SO bad that I am actually amazed.

The other night we were invited out to celebrate a birthday at a Chinese restaurant. I was pretty excited, because it was a very large group, and it promised to have great atmosphere.

Now I usually love steamboat dinners – a format where everyone sits around a simmering pot of soup, and cooks various raw foods, like meats, seafood, tofu and vegetables. It is always such a merry and fun way to eat food with loved ones, and you end up with a unique soup to eat. And my boys, including my husband, love the format too!

But the signs were not good when we arrived outside. First of all, the restaurant was called a “steamboat AND buffet restaurant AND cafe”. And I have to say that I think that an eating establishment should choose one thing, and do it very well.

Inside, things got worse as we saw the tables. They were tiny rectangular tables, pushed up against the wall, and jammed so close to each other, that you could not get in or out of your seat without everyone else also getting up. It was as bad as sitting in economy seats on a plane, five deep on each side.

One of the advantages of steamboat is that you don’t order… all the raw ingredients just arrive on plates, and you start cooking yourself. This should save a LOT of time.

But after about 45 minutes, nothing had arrived, and even the water we asked for hadn’t appeared. There seemed to be plenty of waiters and waitresses, but they seemed very confused and distracted.

The boys nagged us so much we gave them our mobile phones to play with.

Finally, in frustration, I went next door (everyone on my side of the table had to get up) to the Asian supermarket to buy a bottle of water and some snacks for my toddler… and I saw one of the waiters from the restaurant buying CHOPSTICKS!! I followed him back into the restaurant (everyone on my side of the table had to get up again), and I fed my toddler bottled water and potato chips while we waited for the food.

And then, finally, the dazed waiter arrived with a huge bowl of just-boiled soup, and tried to lean all the way down the table to place the bowl on the tiny gas stove. As he struggled, everyone at my table reared up in fear that the soup would spill all over someone, but the waiter seemed oblivious to the danger. My husband reached out and took the bowl from him, and put it down on the dinky portable gas stove. The waiter lit the gas stove.

Now my bored children were sitting literally 20cms away from a pot of boiling hot soup balanced precariously on a cheap gas stove designed for outdoors camping use, with a naked flame. Great. I can SOOO relax now.

And it just got worse from there. Once all the gas stoves were going and the soup bowls installed, the whole restaurant was filled with hot steam, and the windows fogged up. So, no ventilation in the restaurant.

At least my son could use the windows to draw a fighting scene from Star Wars to momentarily ease his boredom.

Then the food arrived, and the tables were so small that there was no room for the food plates. There were no ladles for the soup. People kept tripping over and spilling soup and noodles everywhere!

Then, as you can see from the photo above, the wait staff couldn’t cope with the turnover of plates – so customers just started to LEAVE DIRTY PLATES ON THE FLOOR!

Then we asked for some rice for our toddler, who didn’t like the noodles, but we were amazed to be told that…THEY HAD NONE! Okay, lets think about that for a moment.

A Chinese restaurant. With NO RICE.

Is that actually possible?

When I went to the toilets, I found the corridor jammed with boxes of little portable gas stoves. The toilets were as bad as the public toilets in a bad part of town.

And on the way back, I saw a tiny chinese waitress trying to kung-fu kick open the kitchen door. She was kicking it because she was using both hands to carry a tray of soup bowl, each one as large as her head. The door was jammed shut because someone had tied a dirty old kitchen wash rag around the handle to stop it from banging shut each time someone walked through. It was like watching a Chinese acrobat do a dangerous stunt, like juggling a chain-saw.

I mean, how much does a rubber bumper-thingy cost from the local hardware store?

In the end, we were having such a terrible time, that we had to leave early.

A Chinese restaurant with NO rice and NO chopsticks.

I’m still trying to comprehend that.

NO rice and NO chopsticks.

Amazing.

During our holidays, we stayed in a little chalet right next to the beach. So it was no surprise that we spent a LOT of time on the beach.

We would play on the beach after breakfast. Eat lunch on the beach. Have ice cream on the beach. Swim in the ocean. Drink wine on the beach. Have a barbecue dinner next to the beach.

I love hanging out at the beach! Even in winter!

Later that evening, as the sun sunk towards the horizon, we joined a bunch of friends in the Great Aussie Tradition of Beach Cricket.

Life was good.

I love a good holiday! We took a 5 day trip to Rottnest Island last week, and it was AMAZING.

Rottnest Island is a tiny island west of Fremantle, and only takes 30 minutes on a ferry to get there. There is no Universal Studio, no shopping malls, no 5-star hotels, or fancy restaurants. In fact there’s not much to do there but ride a bike and sit on the beach.

For most of the time, my children DISAPPEARED. They literally just ran off and played with other random children on the beach, in the sand dunes, in the bush, and rode their bikes around the place.

My husband and I sat on the balcony of our chalet, over-looking the bay (pictured above) and ate bacon and eggs in the peace and quiet until 10am. Like I said. AMAZING.

We actually went with a group of friends – there were 50 of us, including kids – and we spent a lot of time hanging out, cycling, having barbecues, going to the bakery to eat meat pies, playing beach cricket, and having a glass of wine on the beach.

I feel like my body has been dipped in warm sunshine. It was the best holiday ever. More photos to come!