Winter is here.
Damn it’s cold.
Winter is here.
Damn it’s cold.
I drive a 20 year old BMW.
It’s a shit-brown tank of a car.
It has an old sun roof.
The padding on the sun roof is falling to bits.
Every time I open the sun roof,
It sprinkles bits of sponge on me.
The sponge looks like chocolate cake.
So I continuously have chocolate cake crumbs on
my head, my hair, my jumper, my collar, my shoulders,
my eyelashes, my tummy, my lap…
I must look so weird.
I made some white chocolate + pistachio cookies! Mmmmmm.
But I only had one baking tray (I couldn’t find my other one), so all the cookies kinda melded into one BIG cookie slab.
Yeah so they looked more like shortbread blobs in the end. I suck.
Hey I’ve managed to return to my pre-pregnancy proportions. Breastfeeding is doing wonders for my weight! I’m feeling GREAT – energetic, zippy, happy, sparkley and glowing!
And yeah, it helps if you’re in your mid twenties.
We had a nice adventure yesterday. We braved the cold and made our way to King Street in the city (the swanky fashion district). I felt a warmth of normality as we walked across the cobblestone road. Not that I used to hang out at King Street. But being somewhere where people don’t talk about periniums or baby poo made me feel NORMAL.
It was nice to have an exquisite late afternoon coffee and cake – drowning in the sounds of coffee machines, clinking tea cups and the gentle mummer of people.
Passing the glittery windows, looking up at the fancy buildings, watching all the people in their nice clothes… I felt a warm glow of pride. Proud that we blended in, yet stood out, with our 5kg bundle of giggles falling asleep in my arms.
It was such a beautiful sunny day today.
I walked to my mother’s group with Callum in a carrier.
My heart was a little heavy though. I haven’t been enjoying my group.
Basically if you’re a new mum, the community automatically signs you up to your local community child health clinic. They hold classes about how to look after your baby and offer a whole range of support. You wear a name tag for you and your baby. You chat to other mums. You drink tea. It sounds great in theory.
But there’s something about my class. Well, the people, not the class itself. I feel out of place. I feel young, too naive, too happy and too self confident? It sounds weird. The group feels like a typical support group you’d see in the movies. You know, a bunch of tired women in a musty, old room, bitching about their husbands, their family, their life, and how dreadful and terrible everything is.
I feel like I didn’t belong. I actually feel bad that I don’t have any stories of hardship and stress to contribute to the group. It is as if everyone wanted to wallow in their problems to reassure each other that the world is a terrible place. It bubbles with negative vibes.
Yeah I know. I shouldn’t be hard on them. People go through depression and hard times in life, especially after giving birth. I tried adding a little sparkle into the group, but all got was dark, blank looks in return.
I felt so guilty for being happy.
I think the negative company is not good for my soul. And drawing strength and creating strongholds from other people’s contempt will darken my heart. So I’m probably going to find a new mum’s group.
So I was feeding Callum this morning. 9am. Turned on the tv.
And there was this super cute asian guy on tv!
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a cute asian boy on tv.
Only problem was. He was holding a storybook.
And singing Incy-Wincy Spider with a puppet.
Andrew left for rainy Melbourne today.
He’ll be gone for 6 days!! 6 WHOLE DAYS. For a conference. This will be the longest we’ve ever been apart. It’s a bizarre thought. You expect couples to need space and “time apart”. But here I am. Two hours after kissing him goodbye at the airport and already I’m amazed at how empty my life feels.
Anyway, despite me being husband-less for a week, over the next few days I’m hoping to get out and about and establish a nice routine for the coming winter.
I haven’t made any solid plans yet, just a todo list —
Watch movies. Girly shopping. Cafe culture. Dinner parties. Video/DVD nights. Pizza + beer nights. Haircut. Yoga classes. Walks by the river. Read more books. Experimental cooking.
I love going back to my parents place to eat dinner.
Thing I love most is —
Their pantry is ALWAYS stuffed with peanuts, chocolates, chinese cookies, muesli bars, little bags of chips, instant soup sachets, tim tams, tea biscuits, date loaves, cinnamon buns, dried fruit, honey-baked cashews… the list goes on and on.
And I just love poking my head into the dark musty pantry and digging around in the dark corners, behind boxes, inside jars, unwrapping bags and on top of containers. It’s like digging for gold.
So tonight, we ate my mother’s most delicious chicken rice yet. Especially when Mr Chicken was running around in the backyard a few hours earlier.
Dessert was a fresh fruit salad. Topped off with some crumbly peanut cookies. Everyone was stuffed. But not meee. Not Miss Needs-to-Breastfeed!
I pulled out a mysterious dark box of Hand Crafted Chocolates that I spied during my pantry treasure hunt. No one wanted to enjoy it with me.
I peeled open the wrapper and breathed in the mix of soaking rich velvety aromas. They were immaculate. I took my time in selecting which miniature chocolate sculpture I wanted to pop into my mouth.
I chose the white chocolate ball covered with a lavish coat of coconut and licked it with my tongue. Mmmm, coconut and white chocolate is just divine.
I passed the tray of chocolates on. Just to be polite.
As I was about to devour the ball between my fingers… my sister said, “Hmm, this one looks like it’s already been eaten–”
I looked down into the little paper cup that held my chocolate and I saw a puddle of wriggling maggots.
I was inspired to share some colours with everyone…
The budding blossoms of my lemon tree?
Or perhaps the autumn leaves scattered across my lawn?
Alas, never have I paid such close attention to
the poo that comes out of my baby’s bottom.
I have been writing in an online journal since May 1999.
Over the years it has evolved with me as a person – from a young single graduate, charging through life with the relentless pursuit of EVERYTHING. To a married woman settling into a new life, home, career and business.
But things have changed. A few days ago, my first child was born.
And so a whole new online journal begins today.