Aah, I always get a bit fragile this time every month.
I get a bit quiet and weepy. I’m hard on myself.
I feel like such a loser. I feel like I’m failing at life. I KNOW I have so many things to do. I want to be ahead. I want to stay on top of things. I don’t want to struggle. But I feel completely paralysed. I feel that everything I have to do to move forward is just too big, too hard, too overwhelming. Like really, REALLY OVERWHELMING!
And these things are not even big things. That’s the crazy thing about it.
It’s just little things like: Maybe I should prepare dinner before the kids come home – not at 5:30pm when I’m helping them with their homework!
Things like: Ok I have a business meeting is tomorrow 9:30am, maybe I should read the brief before the meeting, not at 9:25am at the traffic lights!
Things like: Fix car brakes before winter rains – I don’t want to find my car is broken down on the side of the road! And have I don’t this yet? Nope!
Things like: My insurance company offering me to save around $700 per year in a home, health, car insurance package – I got a quote, I confirmed that YES I would save that much, but it is 4 months later and I still haven’t switched it over!
Why haven’t I done these things?
Because I’m busy. Because I’m an idiot. Because I deal with things in front of me and I forget to do the other stuff that I don’t see.
Because I’m cooking dinner, going out for coffee, helping kids with homework, going to yoga and posting on Instagram?? Is that all that my life amounts to?
Omg I feel like such a loser!
Words like… inadequate, insufficient, unsuccessful, FAILING AT LIFE come to mind. They spin around and around in my heart and they feel like the truth.
In my head I know that it’s not true.
I know I just have to make a list. Make small achievable goals. Tick things off, one by one. One step at a time. Find little motivations. Surround myself with people who love me. This is just a bump in my monthly hormones. This is not who I am. I got this.