So I recently bought a little electric shaver thingy, for ladies.
It’s not very exciting. It’s just a delicate trimmer for sensitive areas like your eyebrows, legs, armpits, bikini line or any kind of face or body hair.
For when you need a trim, like NOW.
But it came with all this extra crap, like washable cutting heads in 2 different sizes, a precision cutter, a brush, a protective cap, a little drawstring bag… I was quite annoyed with the unnecessary “accessories” … and these stickers! WTF is going on with these stickers??
I was so innocent (and stupid) that I thought – Why on earth did they include stickers, OBVIOUSLY FOR LITTLE GIRLS, in a shaving pack obviously for women with body hair issues??
I was going to toss them into the bin, but I thought my son would like them instead (he loves stickers).
So I gave them to my 4 year old and he loved them… and stuck them all over his door.
That night I put him to bed, and I walked passed his door.
I thought, What an odd selection of sticker shapes… A heart? A crown? Lips? A keyhole? A pussycat? – OH. HANG ON A MINUTE. SHIT! I gave my son pubic hair shaving stickers!! OMG! OMG!
The next morning, I had to convince my 4 year old that he can’t have the stickers on his door anymore.
I tried to put together a compelling case, without you know, using the words ‘Pubic Hair’ –
1) Because they are actually rubbish and rubbish needs to be in the bin.
2) Because they are pink and pink things are for girls.
3) Because they actually belonged to someone else and I have to give it back to them?
4) Because if your friends come over they will laugh at you, because you know, the stickers are pink. And like, you’re a boy?
But they all sounded like “stupid parent lies” and I knew he would not accept such statements, he’d become angry, rebellious and he’d refuse to give them up. And worse, he’d cause such a commotion that my older children will want to know what they are. Then I’ll really have some explaining to do. Good grief.
So I decided to tell this lie instead, which I knew he would accept –
5) Because the stickers were actually mine. I’ve changed my mind. I liked them so much that I want them on MY bathroom mirror where I can see them everyday and enjoy them!
Straight to the heart! What a lie!
My brilliant parental wit has saved the day!
SO NOW I HAVE PUBIC HAIR SHAVING STICKERS ON MY BATHROOM MIRROR PEOPLE!!!