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Behold My Pink Baboon Bum Pants

19 June 2012

While training for my Fundraising Ride, I’ve noticed that…

Cycling makes my bum really sore. And I mean REALLY sore.

Everyone I have spoken to, instructed me to get some proper cycling leggings – with padding!

My first thought – OMG there’s no way I’m going to wear BIKE PANTS! They were a hit in the 90s, when I was 12 years old. I had 3 pairs, one in fluoro pink, orange and green. Not doing THAT again!

Anyway, after a few more sore bottoms from my training sessions… I reluctantly went to a bicycle shop and found a pair to try on.

I stepped into the shop’s change room and inspected it.

I had never seen one in my life.

Cycling Padded Pants

What the? It was like I was looking at the pants of a kinky cat-woman suit with fake muscles and lifty-up bits in *totally* the wrong places.

Cycling Padded Pants
Hello down there!

Padded cycling tights are just that. They have an ergonomically shaped padding, special countoured grooves and specially designed bumps and lumps in all the right places for maximum comfort.

Cycling Padded Pants

I turned it inside out. Looks like a baboon’s ass! Eeew!

How are people supposed to walk around in these things?

AND GET THIS… they have been specially designed so cyclist are not supposed to wear any underwear with them. Ahem.

Cycling Padded Pants
Ewww lumpy.

It’s like I wedged a cushion down my knickers, and I have to walk around with it between my legs!

The lumps and bumps make my ass feel like a LEGO BIT that click-fits onto a bike seat!

(I guess that’s the whole idea.)

Cycling Padded Pants

I’m so not impressed.

But we shall see.

AND… apparently you can buy bum creams to reduce chaffing!

This cycling business is crazy I tell you!


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