I’m in the kitchen, trying to cook risotto for dinner.

I’ve got one arm around Liam, my 15 month old toddler, who I am holding on my hip. Yes, I’m trying to cook dinner with one hand, after a night of broken sleep.

He has been cutting new teeth AND he has a stinking head cold with a runny nose. And even with pain killers, he just screams and screams until my head explodes if I don’t pick him up.

As I hold him, he practices every sound he knows, very loudly, in my ear.

He recently worked out that when his brothers play video games, it is called the “Wii”.

So he shouts…

“wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wiii Wiiiii Wiiiiiiii Wii Wi Wii Wiii Wiiii Wiiiiii Wi Wi!!!!”

..into my ear. This goes on until he changes to an earlier favorite of his which is…

“loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle loddle LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE LODDLE!!!!”

And then, because we have been teaching him to call his big brothers by the Cantonese phrase “Gor Gor”…

“gor gor gor gor gor gor gor gor gor Gor Gor Gor Gor Gor GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR GOR!!!!

…which goes on until he goes back to…

“wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wii Wiii Wiiiii Wiiiiiiii Wii Wi Wii Wiii Wiiii Wiiiiii Wi Wi!!!!”

I turn up the stereo in the living room, so loud that it is rattling the ornaments on the shelves… but the louder I turn it up, the louder Liam gets in my ear.

He won’t be ignored, or drowned out. And it’s my job to listen to him express his pain and frustration.

And you know, it’s pretty hard to cut mushrooms with one hand. And did I mention I had to pick up the other two kids from school in half an hour?

I love this kid like anything, but right now, I just want him to be in some other place, or even better, for ME to be in some other place altogether.

Suddenly Liam stops making noise… just long enough to sneeze green and yellow snot all over me, the mushrooms and the counter top.

Without even wiping his still-warm snot from my face, I sigh, pick up the cooking wine, and glug-glug-glug it straight from the bottle. Aaaah that hit the spot.

Obviously this is not a good look.

And it’s also why there is no photo for this post.

Ah well. This is life for a mother of three kids.

I really, really need to go shopping… in another universe.