This pregnancy has been so different from my first two.
Especially when it comes to the effects of my body’s changing hormones.
One day I will be happy. DELIRIOUSLY happy. I will wake up in the morning and I will be literally singing with glee and gladness from my ear lobes to my toes. Everything is wonderful and nothing can go wrong.
I will cook up a storm. I will clean the house from top to bottom. I will take my children to brand new places for brand new adventures. I have all the energy and optimism in the world to face anything!!
Next day I will be anxious. I’m tense. I’m stressed. I worry and I bite my nails. I fret, agonise and lose sleep over the smallest, tiniest details.
What if this happens? What if THAT happens? I better do this, this and this so nothing will go wrong. But what if something ELSE happens? I can’t control anything! What’s wrong with me??
Next day I will be angry. I am frustrated, irritable, easily annoyed, and very short-tempered. I will shout at the children. Snap at my husband. Growl at random people I meet during the day.
My children are doing everything wrong! Why does the toilet have to block up TODAY of all days?? Nothing is going the way I planned!! My blood will boil until I am paralysed by my own rage.
Next day I will be sad. Really, really sad. I am miserable and depressed. Nothing is going right, so I curl up on the couch and cry.
I have no motivation to get up, get dressed, make something to eat, or anything. I have no confidence and not a scrap of self-worth. I just want to lie there and sink into a deep dark hole where no one can find me.
The funny thing is… a big part of my brain knows that these things are NOT NORMAL for me. In my head I KNOW that all this is just the effect of the hormones. Yet there is very little I can do, but manage it all.
My husband. He hugs me and tells me that everything is all right. He doesn’t try to fix things, he just listens to my irrational words and tears, until I talk my way into laughter.
My kids. Even after a long hard day, they cover me and my tummy with hugs and kisses. They know nothing else but to love me because I’m mummy.
My parents. Ready to cook me the most delicious food in the world. Ready to look after the boys and love them and spoil them in a way grandparents can.
My friends. Always there when I need a bit of girly chatter, pampering, long superficial conversations about anything and everything, and loads of female insight.
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