The other day I was in a supermarket aisle with my kids, when I noticed a guy glance towards my 4.5 year old son. I registered it, but I decided to let it slide.

Then I saw him take another glance, this time slightly longer than the first.

I immediately went into caution mode. I took visual notes - he was a 30-something, athletic-built, blonde-haired guy who looked a bit like Hugh Jackman, wearing a red t-shirt and black pants. Then I took my boy’s hand and walked the other way.

Later on as we were waiting at the checkout, the same guy slipped into the queue behind us, and my son waved at him and gave a cheery “HI!”

I looked the guy square in the eye and gave him this evil blank look that said YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF MATE.

The guy smiled and said, “Callum’s one of my kids, in gymnastics. I’m his teacher!”

It took me a few seconds to register… man… gymnastics… teacher… no need to scream.

“OH! OK! So you are! Mr. Davies right?” I stammered.

Mr Davies is the best and most popular teacher at the gym. He’s funny, cool, and has a great rapport with the kids. He’s like a superhero to them, and oh that’s right, he looks pretty awesome with his shirt off. That’s probably why I didn’t recognise him. Silly me.

So we stood there, waiting in the queue, chatting about gymnastics, being a teacher, bumping into students.

By then I was quite embarrassed, and when I’m embarrassed I have a tendancy to say all kinds of stupid stuff. So my brain was working overtime to stop myself from saying anything stupid.

BUT at the same time, in the back of my head, I was also thinking about that really funny joke about the woman bumping into the father of her child… and I considered sharing it with him, but then I realised that I didn’t know the end of the joke very well, and there’s nothing worse than telling a joke with a crap ending.

So at the last moment, I decided not to.

I got home and I looked up the joke on the internet, and to my horror, thank goodness I didn’t tell the joke because OMG IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO WRONG.

The Father of My Children Joke

A man was in the supermarket when he saw an attractive woman waving him over and smiling. He walked over, unsure of who she was.

“I’m sorry”, he said, “but I don’t think I recognise you”.

“I think you’re the father of one of my children”, the woman said, smiling.

The man’s heart nearly stopped as he thought back to the one time he had been unfaithful - his buck’s night. “Are you the stipper?” he asked, astonished. “Are you the one who rubbed whipped cream all over me on the pool table while you slapped my butt with a with a wet celery?”

Wide-eyed and shocked the woman replies, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.”

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