My 4.5yo walked up to me the other day and said,

“Hey mum. Do you own diamond earrings?”

INSTANTLY MY FINELY-TUNED PARENTAL ALARM BELLS WENT OFF.

My son has often shown the uncanniest ability to stop me in my tracks and demand my fullest attention.

“YES WHY DO YOU ASK?!?!”

“Oh right. I just found a diamond under the sofa. I liked it, so I glued it to my door. But that was last week, so it was stuck there for a while. I thought you might want it today, so I scratched it off, but it fell into my pile of shoes, and it kinda got a bit dirty from the sand, so I washed it in the sink with some soap and…”

AAAAHHHHHHKKKK MY EYES WERE POPPING OUT OF MY HEAD. I HAD A HEART ATTACK RIGHT THERE. HE WASHED MY DIAMOND DOWN THE SINK??? GAAAAAAAAAH I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!!

“WHERE’S MY DIAMOND NOW?!?!?!??!”

“Oh it’s right here! In my pocket see?”

…

As you can see, “the diamond” was in fact a plastic craft sequin, often used in scrapbooking, or any other stupid art activity done by 4 year olds.

Errgh! Kids! I just lost 10 years off my life!