day of week

The Big THREE OH : Turning 30

5 July 2007

Clouds

So I’ve turned 29 this year. It’s an anti-climactic event really. Yes, I’m one year older. But everyone knows the big celebrations, the big milestones and the big reflections on life are saved for the big 3-0.

I like to think that I’m a very strong, optimistic person with a positive outlook on life. Yet I’m getting pretty edgy about turning 30 next year. I’m not sure why. The feeling is so incompatible with the rest of my life.

My friends kindly point out that I already have a husband, 2 kids, a house, gone through various difficulties in life, travelled, worked overseas – WHAT MORE DO I WANT?

I answer, “I DON’T KNOW! MORE maybe?”

“What MORE IS THERE??”

Perhaps this MORE is a spiritual one – who am I, and what am I actually here on earth for? – Rather than the pursuit of a bigger house, bigger entertainment system and more expensive holidays.

I guess I genuinely feel like I haven’t accomplished anything yet. Accomplished what? I don’t know. I feel like I haven’t quite reached my potential – that I’ve been dabbling around the edges of something significant for most of my life.

I feel like I haven’t yet been able to fully spread my wings and SOAR over the world like I was supposed to. And something in me is burning and bursting to break out.

Ah, it sounds ridiculous.

On the other hand, I still feel like I’m 24. I still feel like a silly teenager, happy, girly, irresponsible and selfish. Deep down I don’t feel like a “grown up”. Will I ever feel like a grown up? Will I always feel 24?

And on the other OTHER hand, I know that there’s still SO MUCH in life to try, learn and experience! So much to do! I want it all! Life! Needs to be lived!

Many people of different ages and backgrounds have responded with their personal stories, thoughts and reflections on “Turning 30”. You can read them here.