My husband and I have been talking about having a regular babysitter for a while now.

Sure, when the kids go to sleep, we the rest of the evening to ourselves. We can talk, watch tv, read, hang out and do something together. But it’s not the same.

We’ve been craving something more – time where we can be Karen and Andrew. Not mum and dad. Not story-teller, taxi driver, disciplinarian, cook, clothes-ironer, house-keeper, or child entertainer.

So many times I hear people who complain about ALL THE STUFF they used to do before they had kids and how they never have time for it anymore. They used to go for long walks. They used to windsurf. They used to watch noir movies under the stars with a picnic and wine. But now their life utterly revolves around the kids.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a parent. I love my kids. But kids grow up. Kids leave home. Kids become adults and parents have to let go. When that happens, how are the parents? What’s the state of their relationship? It’s a bit scary how quickly things slide in a relationship, when you don’t look after it.

We are firm believers in living a balanced life – purposefully setting apart time for family, time for ourselves, time for our spouses and time for friends.

We know babysitters are not cheap. But we feel it’s a worthy investment.

So.

We have a new babysitter! We asked our next door neighbour’s teenage daughter to look after our kids once a week, and so far, she’s been great.

Every Wednesday, she comes over at 6pm. We leave. She plays with the boys, gives them supper, puts them to bed. We come home at 10pm, we pay her, then she just walks across the driveway back to her house! It’s an awesome arrangement.

So every week my husband and I have a good dose of couple time, which I call Our Date Night!

Looking forward to see how it goes.

I’ve been out for the last 5 nights in a row! And man I’m exhausted. The weather doesn’t seem to be helping either – it’s stinking hot and humid. But my skin and hair are glowing! I love it!!

This evening we went into Northbridge to meet friends for coffee. And we also managed to sneak a peek at some Artrage exhibits.

Thursday Night – Andrew put the kids to sleep in the evening. I went out for some late night shopping. Mission to find something to wear to the weddings. Unsuccessful. Later, met up with my sister for coffee. We had some really inane girly chatter about craaap over some chai lattes. It was all good!

Friday Night – Took the kids out to an Uncle’s 60th dinner. It was a huge, busy, noisy family/church thing. Lots of people and good food! We had to leave early (9pm). But it was still a late night for the kids.

Saturday Night – Kids were due to stay the night at my parent’s place. Callum had mysterious stomach pains. Which seemed to come and go depending on what our next activity was. We dropped the kids off. Caught up with some friends for drinks. Then moved on to another dinner party with other friends – delicious Indian food! Half way, we called my parents to see how the kids were doing. Callum was really weak, and we felt he was better off at home. We dragged them both home and put them to bed. Another late night!

Sunday Night – We put Sean to sleep. Our lovely housemate played with Callum and put him to bed. We went to a house party – which was great! Nice to leave our comfort zone, mingle, practice our social skills and meet new people we would not have otherwise met.

All in all, I’m loving this activity! Life feels so colourful and delightful. It’s making me all sparky and zesty. Or perhaps it’s the heat.

My husband and I went out for our weekly date tonight!

I brought him to my favourite Japanese restaurant, Ohnamiya in Applecross. I’ve been going there for years – since my sister did some part time work there. She used to bring back “employee leftovers” and stack them up in the fridge – various little packs of DELICIOUS Japanese food. And I used to steal them as my lunch pack for work the next day. They were so damn gooood.

Then we went to one of my husband’s favourite old haunts, a classic Aussie icon in Perth – Hamburger Hill. It’s a dirty, little, old, run-down hamburger cafe perched on a hill, looking down at one of Perth’s most luxurious icons, Burswood Hotel and Casino. Very amusing experience. I recommend it to everyone!

Then we took a long slow hand in hand walk around the river. Enjoying the stillness and glow of the evening, and each other’s company.

Ok I admit. The only reason I have kids, is so I can spend all day releasing my inner child.

My 3 year old said, “Mum! I really like your hair. But you look like a girl.”

“Ah. Well. See, I AM A GIRL!”

“No – you’re a MUMMY! You’re not a girl! Stop being so gross.”

“What on earth are you talking about dude?”

“You have to leave now. I’m going to do cool boy stuff.”

This weekend, my insane cooking mojo was back – wild with fire and activity! We were having casual dinner parties on both evenings, and I was craving some simple, fresh, healthy meals.

I planned the dinners and recipes and I got really intense (in fact, I think I was actually stressed) about making sure there was a good balance of red coloured veges and lots of dark green leafy veges in the meals. I mean, NO BODY is going to leave this house without a good dose of antioxidants.

On Saturday night I made yummy gourmet pizza – feta, grilled eggplant + capsicums, tomatoes, basil, and salad. Sunday I made fresh ricotta + spinach pasta and salad.

I ended up buying waaay too many vegetables. So the next day was vege + salmon quiche and salad, then vegetarian Thai green curry and salad. Yes, lots of salad. I’m soooo over vegetables right now. Somebody give me a slice of cow and some deep fried chicken please.

My husband has been doing weights for ages. He’s not a hardcore workout junkie. It’s just part of his daily routine, to give him a bit of quiet time in the evenings… away from noisy kids, and a wife who’s a little too keen to share the finer details of chargrilling techniques for capsicums.

Anyway. He recently replaced his old set of weights with a new set. I know they’re standard weights, but I really didn’t like the smell of them. I refer to them as the stinky boy-weights, and told him they had to live outside. I didn’t like the look of them either. Only because they made my weights look sissy.

So I decided I wanted a bit of muscle action too. (Really, I’ll do anything that will stop me from being a vegetable in front of the tv for 3 hours in the evening).

I’ve started on a [very] easy routine, followed by a few crunches and yoga stretches. We put on some music. We’ll chat a bit, and I promise not to disrupt the whole “quiet” thing. However, I find I can’t talk anyway, because I always lose count, and damn it hurts when I have to start all over again!

Being on the committee of the local Toy Library is a very cool thing. It means being able to borrow all the big, expensive, cool toys over the long summer holidays. Muahaha. So I snatched up the very popular tandem bike, and the boys LOVED it.

Callum rode it to our local park. I helped him negotiate the kerbs and roads. Then he rode the whole length of the parklands (and back!), with Sean holding on tightly at the rear.

He was speeding along quite fast, so I had to walk at a faster-than-normal pace to keep up. Plus I was quite nervous that Sean would just decide to stand up, flap his arms about and leap off backwards – as all little boys do. But no, Sean didn’t fall off once! He did however, have a stunned, slightly wind-blown look on his face the whole time. It was all too cute.

We went to the wedding of some really good friends of mine. And it was definitely the sweetest wedding I’ve been to – I mean, you could feeeeeel the lurve and happiness dripping from the walls. Everyone was SO happy. And all these people we met were SO nice. It was lovely!

We were the only ones who had young kids – either that, or everyone else was just smart enough to leave them at home. We sat down the back, and they were very well behaved. But just before the important exchanging of vows bit, Sean went “HEY!”, everyone turned, the bride and groom laughed happily and waved, then my husband (bless him) volunteered to take Sean outside. Callum and I sat and enjoyed the rest.

After the ceremony, it was such a gorgeous day, that we thought it would be nice to sit and eat near the river.

We ended up at JoJo’s River Restaurant – a quaint seafood cafe built on a jetty in Nedlands. It was perfect. The river was still, the breeze was gentle, and the sky was big and blue.

After letting the kids peep over the jetty, we took a short stroll on the beach. The boys (all three of them) collected shells and sea treasure while I sat on the grass, taking photos and sunning my legs – actually, I just didn’t want get my shoes dirty.

Reception was in a marquee on Matilda Bay, overlooking the water and boats. It was SO NICE. The speeches were all really touching and charming. We met and talked to some really interesting people on our table. I chatted to some old friends and old colleagues. We danced! We ate! And we had a fantastic time!

Callum starts school next year. And I’m a bit emotional about it.

Last week I had an information session with Callum’s new teacher. She seemed like a fantastic teacher and a passionate nurturer. She ran through the program, her routine, school policies, parent involvement, things the children need to bring etc. I was impressed and overwhelmed at the same time.

I kept thinking – Aaaak! My baby is going to own a lunchbox? I don’t know if I’m ready for that!

I was particularly distracted by the child-themed busyness of the room. Everywhere I looked… colourful charts and artworks were splashed on every inch of wall, containers of paint, crayons, pencils, markers, glue, craft bits, puzzle boxes, toy boxes, shoe boxes, a wall of hand prints, painted fish shapes, fruity cellophane mobiles, blobby butterflies, crushed paper flowers, teeny tiny chairs, miniature tables – it was all so deliciously youthful, but I felt my heart twang with heaviness knowing that my little baby will do all this cool stuff, and I won’t be there to see it.

Ok honestly, I’m really excited for Callum and this new phase in his life. As a kid, I loved school. And I hope that he will too.

But deep down, a part of me is utterly terrified of all the negative new experiences and influences he’ll face without me. Dealing with peculiar social norms that rule the kindy playground, friendships, disappointments, loneliness, rejection, embarrassment, bullying, fighting. I talk endlessly about these things to Callum, not with any clear conclusions, I just ramble away casually about anything and everything… hopefully so he knows he can talk to me and ask questions whenever he feels like it.

I guess other than that, I just have to learn to let go, have a bit of faith and remember that life is full of good things to learn and experience too, especially for a 4 year old.

This weekend we went to the wedding of a really close family friend. It was a beautiful and small ceremony – probably the smallest I’ve ever been to – but some of my closest friends and relatives were there, so it was fantastic and felt really special. Ceremony was held at the always gorgeous, Sandalford Winery, followed by a cocktail garden party. Here are us Cheng girls (my sister, my mum and me!) hanging out under the grapevines pigging out on the cocktail oysters.

I’m wearing the “pillowcase dress” I bought in Sydney. I paid an embarrassing sum of money for a sack with two well-placed elastic bands.

I’m hoping that one day I’ll steal the pattern and make myself one for each day of the week.

We were also in a rush to head out the door and I forgot to put on my necklace! I felt so bare and un-blinged.

Dinner was in a Chinese restaurant. We were on a table with excellent company – full of laughter, chatting, baby stories and crazy antics. My poor husband (who’s allergic to crustaceans) literally ate only 2 of 10 dishes served. The pigeon, and the fish. Even the vegetable dish was sprinkled with shredded scallop. Thankfully he ate earlier.

We were one of the low-priorty tables placed next to the kitchen. That was fine, we probably made the most noise anyway.

But where I was sitting, I had a clear view of the chef and his chopping board – and I could see him chop and hack open a basket full of live crays, and the crays desperately trying to scramble their way across the benchtop. Plus I could see raw chicken carcasses hanging from hooks, dripping fluids into unmarked bowls –

OK I’m writing this as if I’m horrified and disgusted. But really, I thought it was all very amusing, and in a way, I kinda liked it. It made my Chinese eating experience feel more authentic and fresh.

Anyway, the bride and groom looked great and extremely happy! The speeches were funny and touching. The MCs did a great job. I ate sooooo much food (after all, I ate Andrew’s portion of crustacea). We had lots of laughs and took lots of photos. We had a fabulous time!

Sean’s verbal skills have exploded in the last month. He can say heaps of new words! He’ll try to repeat everything we say. He can pick out words from songs and repeat them. And we often catch him talking and muttering to himself, stringing multiple words together, as if practicing this strange new talking thing.”Bear! Bowl? Bear bowl gone where? Hee hee. Bear bowl gone!”

“I got lotsa glue. Lotsa glue! Mmm. Eeew. Glue yucky.”

He does this cute mishmash with his songs, it’s reeeeally cute.

“Tinko tinko daaaar! Dumpy dumpy fall! E, O, E, O, AYE!”

And I can’t help but join in!

I’ve been teaching the kids some basic Cantonese. I speak very little myself, so I’m planning to practice with the kids too. Everyone I’ve spoken to, tut tuts me and say I should teach them Chinese (Mandarin). But I don’t know anyone who speaks it! Everyone from my extended family speaks Cantonese. And we’ll have no one to practice with. Who knows, maybe we’ll learn both.

Most of my ABC (Australian Born Chinese) friends don’t speak Chinese or any Asian dialect, and like me, they all want their kids to learn it. The ones with kids have enrolled them into weekend Chinese classes, but hmm, I think my kids are still a bit young.

I used to go to those weekend Chinese classes! I think I was 8 years old. The only thing I can remember is Wo Ai Ni (I love you) – and that wasn’t because of the classes haha. Plus I know some awesome Cantonese swear words, as every Asian kid should.

Anyway, I remember having a traumatic time in those weekend classes. In fact, everyone I knew seems to have the same story – our parents forced us through those classes, everyone put up with it, and everybody hated it and inwardly loathed it with every bone in their body. So, no. Probably not a great learning outcome, you think? I dunno, maybe things have changed since then. I should check it out.

I have a friend who’s a Chinese teacher. She just had a baby, and I’m hoping that she’ll hold little home-based playgroup classes where parent and child learn Chinese words together. That sounds like much more fun. But for the time being, my mum teaches us all a new phrase each week and we all practice around the house. Even my husband is picking up a few words!

Sean calls Callum, gor gor (big brother), and Callum calls Sean, di di (little brother). Which makes my heart go soft.

And I once heard Callum saying “Sean! Fi dee! Will ya?!” (which means, hurry up!).

He also knows that people who don’t speak Chinese, won’t know what Poh Poh (grandma) means, and will refer to her as “my grandmother”. But I don’t know if he understands the general connection between people’s appearance/race and their language (haven’t explained that one to him). So I don’t know with what information he’s deciding to use the different words.

Anyway, I’m hoping speaking Chinese will come a lot more naturally to our family as time goes by. It’s definitely not natural at the moment. And I can see it’ll be hard work as the kids go to school. But you know, half this family is Chinese! And remembering who you are is probably a good thing.

Sean had a spell of conjunctivitis + flu and he’s been a miserable little lump all week – off his food, tired, grumpy, and really whiney.

So I tried initiating some [less active] indoor imagination games – pirates! I made them pirate patches and taught them a few things about pirates. They liked the pirate talk bit – but really, who doesn’t? – and kept going AARRRRR MATEY! to each other until it drove me crazy.

But then my 3¾ year old wanted to know WHY pirates had eye patches, and WHY they made people walk the plank, and WHY they had peg legs, and WHY they liked to fight and shoot canonballs… and it came to a point where I couldn’t answer anymore questions without censoring the interesting bits (ie. the VIOLENT bits). So now Callum thinks pirates are really quite boring, and that was the end of that.