day of week

Watermelons and Stalkers

22 April 2005

Images stolen from various plaecs around the internet

My sister tells a very funny story where she’s driving in her car, by herself, to a friend’s picnic. Sitting next to her on the passenger seat is her contribution to the picnic fare. A huge watermelon and a knife.

She stops at a red light. Windows down. Music blaring.

When a young guy in the car next to her, turns to her and says, “Hey how’s it going?” She freaks out, what if the guy sees this huge watermelon next to her and thinks she’s a weirdo?

Then he starts getting creepy. He proceeds to talk to her – very politely and earnestly – asking her how her day was, where she was off to, whether she would like to head off and join him for drinks nearby….. She was momentarily tempted to wind up all of her windows, and speed off through the red light.

Instead, her hand slowly but discretely inches around the watermelon towards the knife. But what was she going to do with the knife? Throw it at him? Point it at him hoping that he’ll get the message? Or wave it around and scream like a lunatic, hoping that HE speeds off through the light?

In the end, the light turns green. She floors the gas too soon. Brakes too hard. The watermelon flies off the seat. Smashes into the footwell. And she turns up to the party with a broken watermelon and a dog-ate-my-breakfast kinda excuse.

Well the other day, I was at a red light.
Windows down. Music blaring.

When a guy in the car next to me – who was in fact rather decent looking – winds his windows down and says, “Hey! You have kids!” Pointing to the child seats in the back of my car.

He then proceeds to say how young I look to have kids, and that my kids look gorgeous, that he loves kids, that he reckons that he’d make a great father and that he can’t wait to have kids of his own. WTF? I couldn’t believe he was chatting me up at a red light! What’s up with single guys and red lights? Go to a singles bar or a library or something mate.

I wasn’t as polite as my sister. If I had a knife, I’d be waving it and screaming like a lunatic. I mean, how often does one get the opportunity to do that in public?

Instead I just scoffed at him and wound my window up.
It wasn’t very satisfying. But as I said, I didn’t have a knife to rip his heart out properly.