It was such a beautiful sunny day today.
I walked to my mother’s group. With Callum in a carrier. And with my heart a little heavy. I haven’t been enjoying my group.
Basically if you’re a new mum, the community automatically signs you up to your local community child health clinic. They hold classes about how to look after your baby and offer a whole range of support. You wear a name tag for you and your baby. You chat to other mums. You drink tea. It sounds great in theory.
But there’s something about my class. Well, the people, not the class itself. I can’t put my finger on it. I felt out of place. I felt young, too naive, too happy and too self confident? It sounds weird. It felt like a stereotypical support group you’d see in the movies. You know, a bunch of crusty women in a dark, musty room, bitching about their husbands, their family, their life, and how dreadful and terrible everything is.
I felt like I didn’t belong. I actually felt bad that I didn’t have any stories of hardship and stress to contribute to the group. It felt as if everyone wanted to wallow in their problems to reassure themselves that the world is a terrible place. It was bubbling with negative vibes.
Yeah I know. I shouldn’t be hard on them. Lots of people go through depression and bumps in life, especially after giving birth. I shouldn’t go around imposing my views on people.
But… I think the negative company is not good for my soul. And drawing strength and creating strongholds from other people’s contempt will darken my heart. So I’m probably going to find a new mum’s group.