It was such a beautiful sunny day today.
I walked to my mother’s group with Callum in a carrier.
My heart was a little heavy though. I haven’t been enjoying my group.
Basically if you’re a new mum, the community automatically signs you up to your local community child health clinic. They hold classes about how to look after your baby and offer a whole range of support. You wear a name tag for you and your baby. You chat to other mums. You drink tea. It sounds great in theory.
But there’s something about my class. Well, the people, not the class itself. I feel out of place. I feel young, too naive, too happy and too self confident? It sounds weird. The group feels like a typical support group you’d see in the movies. You know, a bunch of tired women in a musty, old room, bitching about their husbands, their family, their life, and how dreadful and terrible everything is.
I feel like I didn’t belong. I actually feel bad that I don’t have any stories of hardship and stress to contribute to the group. It is as if everyone wanted to wallow in their problems to reassure each other that the world is a terrible place. It bubbles with negative vibes.
Yeah I know. I shouldn’t be hard on them. People go through depression and hard times in life, especially after giving birth. I tried adding a little sparkle into the group, but all got was dark, blank looks in return.
I felt so guilty for being happy.
I think the negative company is not good for my soul. And drawing strength and creating strongholds from other people’s contempt will darken my heart. So I’m probably going to find a new mum’s group.